Oh What a Difference a Day Makes!

Thursday, June 9th 2011
 Let me first start by saying, God is good! As bad of a day as Wednesday was, Thursday has been the exact opposite - an awesome day! I woke up panic free and that in itself made the day awesome. My best friend since childhood called and wanted to know if I was up for a girls night Saturday - I said YES!! I don't get to see S that often, she is married, has a 2 year old daughter and works fulltime, but we do keep in touch through phone, text and Facebook. It will be so nice to hang out with her though - face to face. We have been friends since I was about 6 and she was 4. Her brother and I are the same age and our Mom's were PTA parents together - they became best friends as did we. Growing up we were always together and I honestly have always considered her my little sister. Life happened and I burrowed myself away because of weight, panic and depression - our friendship suffered because of that. We went about 15 years with out speaking - not because we stopped being friends but because she was living her life and I had stopped living mine. A part of the food addiction, I pushed family and friends away replacing them with food and isolation. About two years ago after the birth of her daughter, we connected again. It has been a true blessing from God. Part of my motivation is knowing once I become more mobile I have a friend that I can do things with. I can't wait until the day I can say, "Wow, I have been on the go since dawn!!" Very exciting and motivational stuff. I'm truly blessed to have S in my life. She is a once in a lifetime friend. I actually have two - once in a lifetime friends, I'm a lucky girl. My other best friend lives in Florida, which is where I plan on living someday. Odd, random fact - both of  my best friends have the same first name. Weird, I know.

So that was actually the 2nd awesome thing that happened to me today. I woke up and made breakfast and as per usual I watch YouTube videos while I eat. I subscribe to a few people on weight loss journeys. Some have had weight loss surgery, some have not - all I find motivational and inspiring. This morning I watched a video from Becca (LosingItWithRebecca) - this week marked her one year "surgiversry" as those in the WLS community call it. Even though I have not chosen surgery for my self (after much consideration) I still find Becca (and others) and her journey so inspiring and that motivates me. I was watching clips she included of her before and during the past year. She looks AMAZING, I left her a comment telling her how beautiful she was inside and out. After watching her video it motivated even more - I felt inspired to take full body pictures of myself in just bra and panties. LOL, those I won't be sharing at this time - that would be waaaaaay too much skin to handle. Ha! ;) But I did a front, side and back and plan on taking new pictures every 3 months. Anyhow - in the midst of having this brainstorm I found a pair of panties that I had bought literally years ago, probably about 10 years or more ago. Tags still attached. At the time I bought them I knew they wouldn't fit but I had fallen in love with them. When you are "super obese" the simple things most take for granted like, cute panties, are things you miss out on - I've never had cute undergarments (I know this might be TMI, if so feel free to skip ahead!) and when I saw these I had to have them. I've kept them in the back of my drawer ever since - each time I'd come across them I'd take them out and look at them then out of frustration bury them in the back so I didn't have to be reminded of how out of control my life and weight was. Today I pulled them out and decided to try them on and guess what? THEY FIT!! Not only did they fit but they were comfortable.  And yes, I made a video of myself dancing around my bedroom in them. Again waaaaaaay TMI but hey, it's just for me and I am PROUD!! I found a pair of knee pants in my closet that do not fit - size 4X  or 26/28. My mini three month goal is to fit into them comfortably by September 9th. On that day I will post the video of them not fitting and with determination, them fitting!! :) I am so determined to do this now and I have Becca to thank for the renewed motivation. I want what she has - I want to look good and feel good. I want to do things without worrying about if I'll fit in seats or if I can walk that far, etc. I can do this - I WILL DO THIS!!

I walked to the elevator on my floor three times today, I cleaned the kitchen, I took trash to the chute and I decluttered around my bed. It was a good day, very, very good day! Now I am off to do some crocheting and video watching. I found a saying I had kept written in an old journal today, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence of fear and the will to go on!"  I love that saying - how true it is. Sending prayers for all suffering and well. Until next time....