Friday, June 10th 2011
Today was an okay day for me - nothing awesome, nothing horrible just, okay! Okay is good though - compared to the rough week I've had panic wise. I woke up and knew I had to get myself in gear, vacuum and just straighten up in general. Living alone, nothing gets very messy except the mountains of cat hair I vacuum up every few days. I swear, the cat should be hairless by now. I thought about taking a picture of all the cat hair I sucked up today then thought - naw, that's a little too creepy! LOL!!! I have a canister vacuum, bagless I guess you call it and the canister was full from just the livingroom and bedroom. I kid you not! Anyhow - when I woke up I started dreading having to get up. I still have it in the back of my head that my panic attacks are just heart problems in disguise. I started thinking, "What if my heart stops? What if I die?" Then I thought...STOP IT JENNIFER!! GET UP AND GET BUSY!! And I did just that - and guess what? I'm still alive! Yippie! It didn't take me long to get the place in tip top shape. I made a sweep of the livingroom area and kitchen then the bedroom. All I have left to do is the bathroom - which I will more than likely do in the morning. Then I will shower and relax until my friend gets here. I'm a little worried about that - her coming over. Not her, personally just having someone here - but I am glad it's her. As I said before we've been best friends for almost 30 years (we never stopped being best friends even when we drifted apart!) and I feel comfortable with her. She is bringing drinks and we will be ordering dinner in. That's another part that worries me. We'll probably be having pizza since I don't know any other type of food that delivers in my area. I read the nutritional facts for the pizza at the particular place I'm thinking of and with just regular cheese and pepperoni it's 215 calories per slice. Not horrible but not the greatest either. I kind of have a loose plan of eating for tomorrow:
1/2c vanilla yogurt w/ 3/4c Kashi Heart to Heart cereal for breakfast 210 calories and for lunch a tortilla w/ deli turkey and a wedge of Laughing Cow Cheese 235 calories for a total of 445 calories pre pizza. Then if I have 2 slices of pizza 430 calories that would take me to 875 calories so I might be okay with throwing together a side salad for us here and serving it with the pizza - but that's not counting drinks. I have no clue the calorie content of a Mudslide or Coconut Rum and Sprite!?! This is the part that stresses me out - I don't want to be pre-occupied with the calories and food all night. I have to admit I am really looking forward to having a few drinks though. As sad as this might sound, I have never had friends over or been out for drinks. I've had a wine cooler or a glass of wine at a holiday but have never even been tipsy before. Is it wrong to want to see what being drunk feels like? I know it won't become a habit as alcoholism runs in the family and I just don't have the money in my budget to buy alcohol on a regular basis. I rather buy candles! ;) LOL!! But anyhow - I figured it's safe to do it here in my apartment so no fear of looking like a complete ASS and I can just fall into bed if I need to. Pictures will be take for sure, to document the occasion!
I felt myself getting anxious a few times today - one small panic attack that only lasted a few minutes and as I type this I can feel a small amount of panic creeping in sooooo - I am off to crochet to take my mind off of it. We're in the middle of a pretty big thunderstorm so I will cut this short and write more tomorrow. Until then....